Part of my forgiveness process regarding my ex-husband involved understanding this concept. I came to understand that he was not capable of healthy love and true intimacy. I am guessing he probably wanted to love me….and I think he did….to the extent that he could.
But, I remember so often through the course of the 20 years of marriage feeling so empty and unfulfilled. I remember trying to look into his eyes or create deeper levels of connection and intimacy. …and it wouldn’t work. I used to blame myself, because I had become conditioned to believe things were almost always my fault.
However, having experienced deep, intimate connection with someone I love has made it so clear to me now. There is nothing wrong with my ability to love deeply and share true and fulfilling intimacy. I have always been capable of this and have always done my part to create it.
My ex-husband was not able to join me there. His woundedness runs too deep. I am sad for him about this. I actually do pray for him regularly. I do hope he will find the healing he needs.
In the meantime, I am enjoying embracing who I am. …giving and receiving love and appreciating the incredible value of someone who can join me in that. It truly is a beautiful thing!
The Moments Between 