Hang On

This is so true. When I think about the challenges I have faced,  this has been true. There is that initial stage when it feels insurmountable.  During this stage, I remember feeling like I wouldn’t survive it. I remember when I first discovered my husband was having an affair.  I remember being curled into a ball on the bathroom floor,  sobbing into a towel so the kids wouldn’t hear.I remember begging God to get me through whatever was coming because of the kids.

Eventually, it got easier. I accepted the reality that my life was forever changed.  I adjusted to the decisions I had to make. I leaned on my support system. I kept living. I tried to be the best mom I could be. I chose to remember who I was.  I tried to find joy again. It got easier.

And eventually, the freedom came. I began to see clearly that I had been given a gift. I began to see my marriage for what it was, and my ex-husband for who he was. I began to see the white washed version I had created to cope with him and the marriage. I took off the rose colored glasses and looked at him with no lens to obscure the view.

That’s when I felt the freedom!  I had been set free from twenty years of being stuck in survival mode. I was allowed to be me again.  Sweet freedom came.

When I face ongoing challenges now…I try to remember this. I try to remember to hang on through that first part when change is hard. And then I try to remember that it gets easier.  And then I try to remember that freedom comes. Because I have learned that it always does when I am being true to myself.  Not everyone will understand the choices we need to make to be true to ourselves. But, the freedom will come. It always does.

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