Tag Archive | Loving myself

Listen to Your Heart

I am learning more and more about how true this is. Although it is true that feelings can be misleading,  I believe that is different than listening to my heart. Maybe it’s the wisdom of life experiences and learning some things the hard way, but I now know I have a very accurate inner guidance system.I believe this is divine guidance, and I am so thankful for it.

When I am being true to myself, loving to myself, and compassionate with myself, I seem to more easily sense when something is not right for me. Even if it’s something I might want, or have some feelings about, if I truly listen to my heart, I will feel a “check” in my spirit that tells me to be cautious. For me, this is what “listening to my heart” means. Sometimes listening to my heart goes against my feelings.  Listening to my heart means listening to the divine guidance I pray for every day and trusting that I am being lead in the direction that is for my highest good. 

Right now, my life feels so peaceful and good…because I am listening to my heart and being true to myself.  There are challenges, as there always are in life. But, those challenges feel manageable because I feel I am living the life I am meant to live. I am trusting that I will continue to be guided. 

It feels so good to honor myself, my gifts, my calling, and the desires of my heart. As I am doing so….pieces of the puzzle are coming together. And the picture they are forming is so beautiful to me.

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Quiet Rebel

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I have been on an interesting journey of getting to really, truly know myself.  I’ve tried to do that all my life, but in the past, my journey of self discovery was always accompanied by self judgement.  Now, I am doing my best to learn who I am from a place of acceptance,  curiosity, and self compassion.  What a difference that makes!

When I came across this quote, I smiled and recognized myself immediately.  I am often quiet. I am in the background. …listening, observing, thinking, processing.  Many times, people interpret this as compliance or agreement.  Sometimes that may be accurate. But, many times, I am finding the words I need or drawing on that strength within me to take a stand.

And when I do…I am solid in it. I do not like to be told what to do or what to think or what to feel.  But, I also need time to check in with myself to know for sure what I do want to do, what I do think and what I do feel. I have noticed that my strongest relationships are with people in my life who have understood this about me and have the patience and wisdom to respect what I need.

With people who don’t get it…I will be polite, and then go my own way. I surprise people with my resolve when I do this. I do it in my quiet, respectful way. But, I do it with certainty.

I am embracing who I am and understanding myself is giving me much peace.

It Matters

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Fear. It always seems to pop up in my life when I am not prepared for it.

At first, when it shows up, like an unwelcome house guest knocking at my door,  I get irritated.

But, I go to the door anyway to see what it wants. Well, to be truthful, sometimes I let the knocking go on for awhile, hoping it will go away. It never does. Fear is persistent.

That’s because fear always shows up when it’s message is about something that matters.

So eventually,  I get tired of the knocking and go to the door.

“Yes? What do you want?” I ask Fear.

And Fear proceeds to tell me what matters. Fear reminds me that there is something important in my life that I need to deal with.

I  close the door and take a deep breath.

There is another knock.

I open the door cautiously, concerned that Fear is returning to give me more to think about.

I am delighted to see Courage show up at my door!

“Remember me?” Courage says. “I’m always here. You just forget to let me in sometimes. ”

I  swing the door wide open and let Courage in. And right behind Courage comes Faith and Joy, along for the ride.

I got this. Even if it hurts, it’s because it matters. I have all I need. I got this.

Putting one foot in front of the other

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Yesterday was such an interesting day.

I am continuing to battle waves of sadness about the end of my relationship.  But, I am also getting stronger every day.

I was also feeling deep concern about a friend yesterday who had something very big happening in her life. My thoughts were continously on her and many prayers were being offered for her.

Then, in the midst of one huge wave of sadness and concern, I  noticed a notification on my phone that I had been tagged in a post by a dear friend.  When I read the post, I was in awe at the timing. Her unexpected tribute to me shocked me, but was just what my heart needed at just the right time. My friend has an amazing talent to use words to create such beauty and power and to move hearts. I am so incredibly honored and humbled by her words.  And so incredibly grateful that she most likely listened to a nudging to write that just when it was most needed. That is divine love.

It has helped me regain some perspective.  I can let my thoughts get stuck in my old story that somehow I am not enough. That is why I have been reminding myself on this blog that I AM ENOUGH.

To have someone else so eloquently and beautifully remind me of the gifts I bring to this world, reinforced that for me. It reminded me that I AM ENOUGH.

Thank you, my dear friend.  You bring divine light and love to my life, more than you know.

So, today….there are more waves of sadness.  And ongoing concern for my friend.  But, I am breathing, and I am putting one foot in front of the other. I am approaching a corner, and who knows what is around the bend?

I am believing for good things. And in the meantime, remembering to let my light shine in all the dark places, including the ones in my own heart.

Hope

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I have hope.

I have hope for the future.

I have hope for tomorrow.

I have hope for creating a home environment that is stable and secure and family oriented.

I have hope for having a home my kids can come back to with partners and kids for special occasions and every day visits.

I have hope for my kids to have healthy, happy relationships and families and careers.

I have hope to continue my education and continue to enjoy my career.

I have hope that I will travel and enjoy experiencing some of the beautiful and interesting places on this planet.

I have hope that I will continue to meet interesting people who enrich my life and expand my horizons.

I have hope that I will one day meet a man who thinks I am worth fighting for and committing to,  and who will join me in building these dreams together.

I  have hope for a bright and happy future, and if that is alone, I know I will be happy.

I have hope, faith, and trust in the life I deserve. I have hope in my ability to help create that and in a loving God.

I have hope.

Free to Be Me

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I  have been on an interesting journey of self acceptance and self compassion.  It has been, at the same time, the most freeing and empowering journey,  while also being terrifying and challenging.

I am learning a lot about my true nature and who I am at my core. Instead of the constant judgements and recriminations I used to berate myself with, I am working on embracing who I am and learning to work with that.

I am learning that I function best when I take things slowly and take the time to plan and think through what I need to do. I used to judge myself so harshly for that. It seems to me that we live in a society that values the ambitious, decisive go-getters.  I value having people like that in my life too. We need them.

But, we also need the thinkers and planners. We need the ones who are behind the scenes considering every angle and taking action at a pace that works for them. People like me. We need to value those people too. I  need to value those people too. I need to value me.

My ex-husband often criticized this about me. He told me often that he needed me to be more decisive and action oriented. I  accepted his perspective that I was flawed in this way. I tried very hard for over twenty years to change my nature. I kept trying. I would get so frustrated with myself that I couldn’t make myself be different.  I struggled with anxiety and a constant sense of dislike towards myself.  I  developed patterns of self talk that were mean and even cruel towards myself.

In reality, when I work with my true nature…when I give myself time to think, consider, plan…. I  make good decisions and I accomplish a lot. Decisions that need to be made are made and I feel at peace with them. Actions that need to be taken are taken, within time frames that feel comfortable to me. There is no anxiety and no mean self talk. There is peace.

I have this week off from work. I had such ambitious plans for what I wanted to get done. But, instead I have been doing a lot of relaxing, thinking, journaling, reading, and planning. I found myself starting some mean self talk again. I am so glad I caught myself doing that. I don’t need to answer to anyone about how I spend my time. I am not going to be disapproved of any more. I am not going to be criticized any more. Unless I do it to myself! I  deserve better. I  deserve to love myself for who I am and value my true nature.

It has slowly dawned on me that what I need more than anything right now is exactly what I have been doing. It is not lazy to give my body,  mind, and spirit time to rest, reflect, and just be. It is healthy.

If I am true to that, the things I want to accomplish will get done ….at a time and pace that feels good to me. That will be much healthier and much more fulfilling for me.

Ahhhh….that  feels so much better. I am going to make some tea and go back to my book now. 🙂

The Beauty

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Enough dwelling on the past.

The life I have now is far from perfect, but I choose to see beauty in it.

I have a connection with each of my kids as young adults, and I think I am pretty tuned in to them and what is happening for them in their lives. We have deep and meaningful conversations, and they come to me when they need to sort things out. To me, that is far more valuable than anything I can offer them financially or materially. That is beautiful.

I love my job. I feel fulfilled and I feel like I am living my purpose on this earth every day.  I am so grateful to have the opportunity to do the work that I do. That is beautiful.

I have a supportive family who loves me. I know we are not always on the same page about some things, and although that is hard for me, there is so much love and support.  That is beautiful.

I have amazing friends who have stood by me and who challenge me to learn new things all the time. They bring laughter, joy, fun, and love into my life.  That is beautiful.

I have a man in my life who is trustworthy, affectionate, attentive, and loving. He has taught me many things, and helped me to open up my wounded heart again.  No matter what the future holds, that is a beautiful.

I live in a place that has beauty so near, and the opportunities to appreciate that beauty often.  Nature and sunshine nurture my soul.  That is a beautiful.

I have a roof over my head, a car to drive, and food in my fridge. That is a beautiful.

Today, I focus on the beauty.

I am grateful.