Honouring My Story

When I read the above quote, I felt so full of gratitude.  First, to God, whose love and guidance I always felt ….even in my darkest days. Secondly, to myself…to the strong and resilient woman within that I didn’t even know existed before. And also to my support system of family and friends who stood by me and saw me through so many challenges. 

I do honour my story. Not because it was good….it wasn’t.  But, because it is a story of faith, and strength, and hope. I know life will always be full of challenges,  but I also know so much more now about my ability to handle them, and to trust God.

I am feeling so incredibly blessed and grateful right now. My painful journey has brought me to a place of peace with my life and excitement for my future.

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Listen to Your Heart

I am learning more and more about how true this is. Although it is true that feelings can be misleading,  I believe that is different than listening to my heart. Maybe it’s the wisdom of life experiences and learning some things the hard way, but I now know I have a very accurate inner guidance system.I believe this is divine guidance, and I am so thankful for it.

When I am being true to myself, loving to myself, and compassionate with myself, I seem to more easily sense when something is not right for me. Even if it’s something I might want, or have some feelings about, if I truly listen to my heart, I will feel a “check” in my spirit that tells me to be cautious. For me, this is what “listening to my heart” means. Sometimes listening to my heart goes against my feelings.  Listening to my heart means listening to the divine guidance I pray for every day and trusting that I am being lead in the direction that is for my highest good. 

Right now, my life feels so peaceful and good…because I am listening to my heart and being true to myself.  There are challenges, as there always are in life. But, those challenges feel manageable because I feel I am living the life I am meant to live. I am trusting that I will continue to be guided. 

It feels so good to honor myself, my gifts, my calling, and the desires of my heart. As I am doing so….pieces of the puzzle are coming together. And the picture they are forming is so beautiful to me.

What Matters Most

This is the waterfall my kids and I hiked to yesterday.  It was about a 6 km hike. We also spent 3 hours in the car and a few more hours walking around, getting ice cream and visiting the sites.

It was a great day. 

I found myself reflecting often throughout the day on how much longer it will be possible to spend time like this with them. They are now 25, 22, and 20. Their lives are and will continue to move forward. 

They were talking a lot about experiences they have had. Some of these experiences I knew about, and some I did not. I am so glad they feel close enough to me to be so honest.

But, being a mom, I found myself worrying.  

And thankfully, at some point, I realized I was missing out on enjoying the precious moments with them. I was either worrying about how long it will be before we can’t do this anymore, or worrying about what has already happened.  Being focused on the future and the past was preventing me from enjoying the present moment .

I don’t like what my kids have been through.  I don’t like some of the experiences they have had. I worry about their futures. Yet, all of this is outside my control.

We had as close to a perfect day as was possible yesterday.  The weather was perfect.  Everyone was getting along and enjoying each other’s company. We are all healthy and able to do a beautiful hike together.  We live close to some of the most beautiful places in the world.  My kids express love, appreciation, and thanks to me often. And they definitely did yesterday.

That is what matters most. The blessings of the present moment. I am grateful. 

Just as I am 

I seem to be finding such a peace in accepting and loving myself just as I am.  What a journey it has been!  I cringe when I think of how I used to talk to myself. I now have a better understanding of my nature and my gifts. The challenges that I experience in who I am are so much easier to work with now. I think that’s the key. I am now working WITH rather than AGAINST myself.  When I was so hard on myself in the past, I was in a state of resistance,  fighting my very nature and wishing I could be someone different.  Now….I choose to love all of me and see that who I am brings needed gifts to this world. The times when my nature creates challenges for me and my relationships can be approached with self compassion.  I can take responsibility for mistakes and make amends and move forward.  I am still working on this….but I’ve definitely made progress! I am feeling very grateful for this!

Loving Who I Am

This has been such an important part of my healing journey.  What my ex-husband did to me and how he treated me will never be right or okay. But, without those experiences, I would never have become the person I am today.

I love who I am today!

I am still always growing and learning and working on myself.  But, I have learned so much about myself and who I am.  I am able to choose to live more from a place of authenticity and have people in my life who honor and respect that.

I have chosen to see the gifts in what I went through. That is so freeing. I am thankful. 

Building Bridges

I recently had a realization that was so sudden and so clear that I was shocked it hadn’t occurred to me before.  For some time, I have been struggling with feeling in the middle. I feel in the middle of people I love who have opposing viewpoints and beliefs. In addition, I had been feeling pressure to choose a side. I had heard messages that the only way to support people is by taking a stand and being vocal about that.

Then….a sudden epiphany happened for me. Is taking a stand and being vocal really the only way to be an ally for marginalized people?  Really? Says who?

What if….just what if….we are each called to be an ally and a support according to our true nature and our gifts?

What if there are a myriad of ways to be an ally? 

There are definitely people who are very gifted at taking a bold, sure stand.  There are definitely people gifted with the boldness to step out and speak out with words that cut to the heart of the matter and shake up people’s comfort zones. 

God bless those people!  We need them desperately! 

But, I am not one of them. And I have been making myself sick with stress and worry about it.

I am a builder of bridges between the people who stand with bold determination on one bank….and the people who stand with equally bold determination on the opposite bank.

I mediate, I connect, I build bridges with love. This is my true nature. In order to do this, I choose not to alienate either. I choose not to speak out, but to hear and understand. 

When I give myself permission to be who I am,  I find peace. There is nothing wrong with my gifts. My gifts are needed too. It is people like me who help the people on either side hear each other and create a safe space for them to meet and find common ground.

Is that not being an ally as well? I believe it is.

And I can breathe again. 

Welcome Back

I keep experiencing the importance of being true to myself.  It feels like this season is about understanding more deeply who I am and embracing that. As I know myself better, I am making decisions that are more aligned with my true self. The result is that, at this moment, I am feeling more at peace than I have in many, many years. I had a moment today when I found myself crying tears of happiness that I feel so at peace. 

Welcome back.