Feel it All

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Yesterday was a hard day. Father’s Day is difficult for my kids. They talk about seeing facebook posts about the wonderful fathers other people have. And, although I am blessed to have a wonderful father myself, I feel the pain and loss my kids experience.  It hurts. A lot.

I also found out that my daughter is back in an unhealthy relationship yesterday.  I found out on facebook when they made their relationship facebook official.  That hurt. And, I am really concerned.  My son told me about some of the dynamics he observed in that relationship and he is very concerned.  I have stated my concerns, and she will need to figure it out. But,  they are pretty big concerns so it’s hard to let that go. 

Facebook completely overwhelmed me yesterday.  More photos of other beautiful family weddings with happy families, wonderful tributes to amazing fathers and husbands, posts about social and political issues in which people I love are on polarized sides (which sometimes makes me feel torn in two), and my daughter’s news. It became too much for me.

In addition, my ex-husband bought my daughter a car. She really needs reliable transportation, so that’s good. He’s finally stepping up to help so that’s good.  But, what’s hard about it is how I handle all the day to day needs of my kids by myself….and then he can swoop in once a year or so (conveniently on father’s day ) and be the hero with such a grand gesture.  There is no way I can do something like that.  I’ve been giving her rides, making sure she has bus passes, groceries, and still helping with her cell phone so she can manage on  her own. All of those things I help my kids with every day is exactly why I can’t buy them a car. But he can, because he lives for himself day to day.  Sigh. It’s frustrating.  But, she will now have reliable transportation, so that’s good.

Yesterday, my mom also shared with me some recent test results that indicate a possibility that her cancer may be active again. They will be monitoring it closely. I am trying not to worry. I am trying to trust. But, that’s not easy either.

Yesterday was not a good day.

Today is a new day. I focused on gratitude this morning, and hoping for a shift to come soon.

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10 thoughts on “Feel it All

  1. Sending much love and warm hugs your way. I honor your courage to rumble with all of the emotional upheaval in your heart and give yourself permission to pour all the aching onto the page. I know you will find your way through …. and … I am holding you close in heart and hoping you find more dots of light on your path today … 💙

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Completely understand your 4th paragraph especially. I don’t Facebook. And stay away from social media of any kind and network TV around any of the Hallmark Holidays. For me no good can come from reading those posts. Everybody is different, just sharing what helped me since we have much in common. Hugs and warm thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That is very helpful! I think the pain is not so raw for me anymore, so usually the holidays are ok. This one is more about my kids. But, I know for next year! Thank you for your thoughts. 😊

      Like

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