What a difference a day makes!
I am in a completely different place today than yesterday. And, I am thankful.
I had a counselling session after work yesterday. My counselor has been with me through the hardest times of my life. My first appointment with her was just over six years ago, the day after my life got turned completely upside down in terms of learning the traumatic truth about my marriage, and she was with me through the devastating, infuriating, empowering, anxious, and joyful moments since. At this point, I only see her when something comes up, and it can be months or close to a year in between appointments. But, it had become clear to me that it was time.
In the space of one hour, I was heard, validated, challenged, and invited to see some things differently. I was reminded, in the direct but gentle way that she knows works very well with me, that I can get very stubborn and “locked in” with some of my perspectives. She encouraged me to examine if those perspectives were serving a good or healthy purpose for me. I was invited to question whether there was another way to view certain current circumstances in my life. Yes, of course there is…. there always is. But, my emotional triggers from my marriage had hijacked my ability to see that. I realized that I have been functioning in a very “high alert” state now for several months. This has kept me in a state of mind that causes me to think in terms of self protection at all costs, and has limited my ability to problem solve, reflect, connect with others as I want/need to, and see other perspectives.
My circumstances have not changed since yesterday, not one bit. Today, the struggles that weigh on my heart and mind are still there. Yet, today, I feel as though a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I realized as I was singing my heart out to my favorite music on my morning drive to work that it has been months since I have done that. I grinned, looked in my rear view mirror and said, “Welcome Back!”
My perspective shifts have to do with allowing myself to see that there are more possibilities than the ones my fearful brain got locked on. Yes, the negative outcomes I fear might still happen. But, there is just as much a chance that positive ones will. And, I apparently forgot that I am resilient, capable, strong, and able to find my way through negative circumstances. I sure have done it before, and I sure can do it again. Not only am I not a failure, I have a history of success as an over-comer. A history that I am capable of continuing into the future.
I am so thankful for a new day, and new thoughts!