I have been really down today.
I was trying to figure out why and was coming to some conclusions that I knew didn’t sit right with me.
I just went for a walk, and that’s when it dawned on me.
Tomorrow would have been my 25th wedding anniversary.
Even though it has been years now, and I don’t miss him or the marriage anymore ….there is sadness. The sadness is about the loss of the dream. I always thought there would be a wonderful 25th anniversary celebration. I am Facebook friends with two other couples who got married the same year. I remember attending their weddings. They are still together and seem happy. I have watched their posts about the celebrations they have been having. I think the sadness has been building for a few weeks as I have been watching this.
It’s all part of the healing process. I know I did what I needed to do for myself and my kids. I have no regrets about that. But, the grieving goes on, in layers, year after year.
At least I can make sense of the heavy heart I was feeling. Just that realization helps me breathe a little easier. And it is preventing me from letting that emotion come out towards someone or something else when that’s not where it belongs.
One more hurdle to jump over. Keep breathing and moving forward. As always, it will be okay.