Riding the Waves

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When you have gone through a difficult time,  or are in the midst of it, there are days when all you want to do is sink into despair.  It is so easy to wallow in self pity and rage about the injustices done to you. There are days when it feels like nothing good will happen to you and you will never get through this time in your life.

I remember certain points in time when I was acutely aware that I was at risk to sink into depression.  I remember being tempted to just let go and allow the tsunami waves of despair engulf me and carry me away to the land of hardened apathy.

But, I  couldn’t do it. I knew that I had to fight. I knew that my kids needed to see me rise above.  I knew it would be an invaluable life lesson for them to see me grab a surf board and ride those waves to the land of determined self worth instead.

So, day after day, I found some strength to climb up on that surf board and stand, shaking and trembling to find my balance. I fell off more times than I stayed on.  Some days I cried and raged with the frustration of how hard it was. Some days I would play with the idea of letting the surf board go and sinking into the waves instead.

Something interesting happened, though. My muscles got stronger each day that I got back on. After awhile,  my legs stopped shaking and my core strength kept me standing strong. One day, it was no longer so scary and I started to enjoy the ride! It became exhilarating. …the wind in my hair, my board rising high on the waves! I  started to have the confidence that I could do this. I was going to make it!

Why would I want to sink into the waves when I could have that feeling instead?

It did take courage for me to make those choices day after day.  It took courage I didn’t know I had.

And, it was worth it. Because I can honestly and truly say I am happier than I have ever been in my life.

What a ride! 🙂

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