One of the hardest lessons for me to learn in my healing process was to let go of the past. Early in the separation, I had naively believed that it would be helpful for my former husband and I to discuss the marriage breakdown and even the marriage prior to that.
It took me far too long to realize that I was causing myself ongoing pain and re-opening wounds by doing that.
He did not remember many of the events and words that had cut me open and shattered my heart. Moments and words are seared into my memory forever because they were so shocking and devastating to me. But, he did not remember. So, my pain was minimized or questioned.
The axe forgets but the tree remembers.
For awhile I tried to sort out all the reasons for this or whether he really did remember but was hiding from taking responsibility. After awhile longer, I realized it doesn’t matter. Giving it so much mental energy was hurting me too.
I made a decision to let go. What is in the past is in the past. I can’t change it. Instead, I took responsibility for my own healing process. When memories come back, I take a deep breath and remind myself to let it go. Forgiveness is a process over time, and I committed to that process years ago.
The tree will always remember, but that doesn’t mean the tree can’t have new growth. My new little sapling of a life has deep roots and I know it will grow tall and strong.