Anyone who knows me, knows how important music is to me. I constantly have a soundtrack going on in the background of my life. Music uplifts, soothes, energizes, excites, and consoles me. It communicates for and to me when nothing else does. I still find it difficult to tell my story, so I will let music tell it for me.
The first song summarizes my childhood. I grew up on a farm with parents who loved each other and showed it. This song is their song. My Dad recently played it for our family a few years ago when we were celebrating their anniversary. I had about the best childhood anyone could have, and I am truly thankful.
It was hard for me to choose one song from my teenage years, but I decided on Footloose. I loved that movie so much and even dated someone in high school that looked like Kevin Bacon (in my mind anyway! ) Life was innocent and fun and I had high hopes and dreams.
I was only eighteen when I met my former husband. I was twenty-one when we got married. This song played at our wedding reception for our slide show. I have always associated it with our wedding. I find it sad now to think of how much I didn’t know. Yes, I loved him. But, I was too young to know that love is not enough.
The early years of my marriage were a whirlwind of three kids in five years and my former husband finding his purpose in his work. I had already finished my degree and knew what I wanted to do with my career. I was confident in my career and I loved being a mom and a wife. My former husband was not so settled. I supported him as he went through a few jobs and went back to school to get his degree. I truly did believe in him.
I will never forget when the movie Hope Floats came out. It was 1998. We had only been married eight years. That movie affected me on such a deep level that I could not rationally understand at the time. My former husband used to tease me about it, because that movie, and the soundtrack that I couldn’t stop playing, made me cry every time. I now know that I was already so deeply unhappy because I was so lonely. I feel sad for myself now when I think back to who I was then.
Fast forward ten years. Ten years of hoping, trying, believing, trusting. Now, comes a period of time that is hard for me to revisit. A time when I felt so betrayed and so shattered, that I felt like I barely made it through each day. There was a period of time in which I was so broken that I allowed him to waffle about whether he wanted the marriage or not. And I waited, in agony.
Thankfully, as certain things became clear, I came to a realization that this was not acceptable, and not what I wanted my children to be experiencing. I made a decision to leave with the two kids still at home (the oldest had already moved out to go to university). Once I made that decision, as hard as it was, I knew I had to stand my ground.
After that, there was a period of several years that were very, very hard. But, they were also empowering and exciting. I established a life for myself and kept my relationships with my kids strong. I spent time with my supportive family and my amazing friends. I began the terrifying and wonderful adventure of dating in my 40’s. I overcame my financial challenges and started over. I had to be very brave, in every area of my life.
More and more, I embraced the philosophy of life I have always had, since I was a little girl. The heart of life is good.
The current chapter of my life has a very beautiful theme song to it. The man in my life and I have a special song that we share. Life is good.