The Soundtrack of My Life

Anyone who knows me, knows how important music is to me.  I constantly have a soundtrack going on in the background of my life. Music uplifts, soothes, energizes, excites, and consoles me. It communicates for and to me when nothing else does. I still find it difficult to tell my story, so I will let music tell it for me.

The first song summarizes my childhood. I grew up on a farm with parents who loved each other and showed it.  This song is their song. My Dad recently played it for our family a few years ago when we were celebrating their anniversary.  I had about the best childhood anyone could have, and I am truly thankful.

It was hard for me to choose one song from my teenage years, but I decided on Footloose. I loved that movie so much and even dated someone in high school that looked like Kevin Bacon (in my mind anyway! ) Life was innocent and fun and I had high hopes and dreams.

I was only eighteen when I met my former husband. I was twenty-one when we got married.  This song played at our wedding reception for our slide show.  I have always associated it with our wedding.  I find it sad now to think of how much I didn’t know. Yes, I loved him. But, I was too young to know that love is not enough.

The early years of my marriage were a whirlwind of three kids in five years and my former husband finding his purpose in his work.  I had already finished my degree and knew what I wanted to do with my career. I was confident in my career and I loved being a mom and a wife. My former husband was not so settled. I supported him as he went through a few jobs and went back to school to get his degree.  I truly did believe in him.

I will never forget when the movie Hope Floats came out.  It was 1998.  We had only been married eight years. That movie affected me on such a deep level that I could not rationally understand at the time.  My former husband used to tease me about it, because that movie, and the soundtrack that I couldn’t stop playing, made me cry every time.  I now know that I was already so deeply unhappy because I was so lonely.  I feel sad for myself now when I think back to who I was then.

Fast forward ten years. Ten years of hoping, trying, believing, trusting.  Now, comes a period of time that is hard for me to revisit.  A time when I felt so betrayed and so shattered, that I felt like I barely made it through each day.  There was a period of time in which  I was so broken that I allowed him to waffle about whether he wanted the marriage or not. And I waited, in agony.

Thankfully, as certain things became clear, I came to a realization that this was not acceptable, and not what I wanted my children to be experiencing.  I made a decision to leave with the two kids still at home (the oldest had already moved out to go to university).  Once I made that decision, as hard as it was, I knew I had to stand my ground.

After that, there was a period of several years that were very, very hard.  But, they were also empowering and exciting.  I established a life for myself and kept my relationships with my kids strong.  I spent time with my supportive family and my amazing friends.  I began the terrifying and wonderful adventure of dating in my 40’s.  I overcame my financial challenges and started over.  I had to be very brave, in every area of my life.

More and more, I embraced the philosophy of life I have always had, since I was a little girl.  The heart of life is good.

The current chapter of my life has a very beautiful theme song to it.  The man in my life and I have a special song that we share.  Life is good.

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