To feel…

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The purpose of life is to feel.

Oh how easy that is with all the warm and fuzzy, lovely emotions. Yes, I will feel those! I  will embrace them and savor them.

But what happens when we find ourselves in the middle of a crisis,  a trauma….a life experience that hurts so much we are not sure if we will make it through our next breath?

I learned that it is in those times that our pain is essential.  Our pain is there for a reason. It is serving a purpose. It needs to be. I  learned to sit with my pain. I  learned to ride it’s wave until it crashed my heart against the rocks and I wasn’t sure if it had been destroyed all together.

But it never was. See, this is the beauty of it! I found out my heart is strong. My heart is warrior strong! Seriously….it was a huge, delicious, empowering sensation to see myself ride those waves and come out stronger every time.

This is why it is essential to feel. This is why our pain is essential.  This is why the beautiful whole outweighs the ugly pieces.  These are the experiences that change our brain to learn to grow and adapt and strengthen our resiliency in life. These are the experiences that increase our compassion and empathy for others. It is essential to a fulfilling life to feel.

When difficult times come, we have a choice.  We can run from our pain….through distractions and addictions and numbing activities. I have done that too. But, I have come to see that by doing so, we increase our suffering.  What we resist, persists. The pain we run away from is still there….persistently growing and festering,  until it gets expressed in some way that usually hurts ourselves or others.

Or, we can choose to feel. Really feel.  Oh, it’s  hard. I remember days I thought I would never feel happy again. I  didn’t know a person could cry so many tears. I would go for drives and find a place to scream, cry, rage and wail. I fully entered into that pain, felt it with every cell of my being,  and let it come out with force and passion.

I would always emerge from that exhausted. …but stronger,  and resolved. I  made choices to do what was  healthy for me and what I believed to be best for my kids. I  didn’t always handle things perfectly in the midst of my pain, but I  did the best I  knew how to do.

The pain was essential. Eventually,  it lessened, and I got stronger and stronger. I learned to feel new-found joy and excitement with equal passion. I learned so much about myself and found out how much I  actually like myself! I  had no idea I was so strong and independent and resilient!  Guess what people? I  rock! 🙂

I have lots of growth and learning ahead of me. I  also came to know my struggles and challenges more acutely as well. But, I  accept all of me just as I am. And I am committed to ongoing personal growth as my lifelong journey.

The purpose of life is to feel.
Amen.

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